Finding The Way Back
by Nanaia
Summary: Kaoru and Kenshin are married. Kenji’s born. But Kenshin’s constant wandering might cause him an unexpected loss. Or maybe it could be enough to change someone’s heart…
1. Tadaima

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Disclaimers: I don't own Rurouni Kenshin.

Author's Note: This story takes place after the end of the manga. It will follow the manga storyline so it will contain spoilers. The only change I made is that Kenshin didn't hand his sakabatou to Yahiko; he still has it (I don't think I could write a story where Kenshin doesn't have a sword :)). 

*IMPORTANT*: This story completely disregards the existence of Seisouhen. It deals with Kenshin's constant wandering after he's married to Kaoru and my own opinion on how Kaoru would react to it and what it could cause to their marriage. It'll contain lots of angst and adult content so the rate might change. You've been warned.

This chapter is dedicated to my good friend Merith. Thanks for all the help! You're the best! 

"..." indicates dialogues

'...' indicates thoughts

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** FINDING THE WAY BACK**

Chapter One: Tadaima

"Sir Himura?" the hesitant voice invaded his peaceful thoughts. The call blurred the perfect image of his family his mind had created. Along with his dream, the soft sound of the ocean induced him into a slumber state. His imaginings were the closest he could get to his family, and even there he was disturbed, forced to abandon them. Keeping his head bowed, he slowly but regretfully half-opened his eyes, remaining where he sat on the ship's floor, legs bent, sword leaning on this shoulder. 

"Sir…you asked to inform you…" this time Kenshin recognized the voice as being from one of the soldiers he had been fighting along with these last six months. The thought caused his eyes to close again. Six months… That was the time he had been away from home. Away from his wife and son. '_Kaoru…Kenji.' _He wished the man would leave him alone so he could sink further in his guilt and pain for being separated from his family.

But the man didn't leave, he remained there stumbling for words, his form trembling before the man he had learned to respect. "…to inform you when we got close to Tokyo. We can see the city already, sir." The soldier said at once.

This time Kenshin's eyes snapped open, finally looking up at the officer, he couldn't help the smile lit up his face. Swiftly he rolled to his feet, blinking his eyes more than once he felt his heart pound in his chest as the image of Tokyo became more and more visible. _'Finally…' _

Looking beyond the ocean, it seemed so close and he wondered briefly if he could see the dojo from that distance. Kenshin laughed inwardly at his own foolishness but felt his feet itching with the need to run to home. Too bad his god-like speed was useless in the middle of the sea. 

He sighed. Looking at the town, he allowed his mind to drift and take him there, where he could watch them. His wife's laugh warming his heart, her smile bringing peace to his tortured soul. His son pulling his hair, sticking his tongue out at him. Yahiko complaining about the lack of skills of the new students, but always eager to teach what he has learned. He had found peace, home and people who loved him. And still he left them. Sometimes for days, weeks and even months. He would return home, let his heart and soul find some quietness, some happiness. But after awhile, he would wander again impelled by the guilt in his soul. 

Anyone who didn't know of him, of his past, would simply take him for ungrateful or stupid. They would be wrong. He thanked the gods everyday for the new life he so unworthily had gained. He left in part in the never ending need to achieve atonement for the sins he carried. The leaving, the wandering was the price he paid for the crimes he felt he committed as a hitokiri. 

Inadvertently, his mind took him back to the events that lead him to where he was, away from his family. 

**~**~**~**~**

He watched them in silent from the doorframe, they were both laid on the futon. Kenji had his eyes closed, his breathing even and his head pillowed on his mother's shoulder, one hand clung to a strand of her dark hair. Kaoru was holding a book, her eyes fixed on the story she was reading to him. Noticing her son had drifted to sleep, she gently moved him away from her to not disturb him so she could get up

She was finishing covering him with a blanket when she noticed his presence, "Kaoru can we talk?" Kenshin whispered not wanting to wake his son. Kaoru, turning concerned eyes to his husband, motioned for him to wait for her outside. 

He nodded his consent and left his son's bedroom. Walking outside the house, he sat on the porch, pondering on how he could tell her, how he could ease her. A couple of minutes later she came, sitting beside him. They stood there, watching the stars, the awkward silence an unusual presence among them. Noticing his hesitation, Kaoru held his hands on hers, encouraging him to talk.

He squeezed her hands gently, complying. "Koishii, I was asked today to help the government in dealing with a group of rebels." Kenshin paused trying to find the best words to explain, already looking for the best reasons to present her. In the end he went for the plain and simple truth. "They're very cruel, Kaoru, commanding a carnage they made no distinction on the people they're killing. Someone has to stop them." Kenshin said in a quiet voice, he didn't think right to ask for her understanding, instead he chose to ask for it with his eyes, feeling guilty for the decision had already been made by himself alone. He had agreed to go. 

Sensing his faltering, his face darkened with sadness and guilt, his always present ghost, she already knew his answer. Conjugating all her will to ease him she smiled half-heartedly, "And you are the one to stop them, aren't you? It's alright, anata, I understand. It's just something you have to do, ne?" She said cupping his face with her hands. "When do you have to go?" she asked.

He felt his heart tightening, "Tomorrow" he replied quietly, already regretting his lack of thoughtfulness as her hands dropped from his face and her own clouded with sorrow. _'Stupid man! How come I'm always the one to bring her misery? It's been just a few months since the last time I wandered, maybe I shouldn't. Maybe…I should wait some more,' _Kenshin pondered, his own will to stay making itself known. 

"I'm sorry, Koishii. Sessha won't go." He offered, encircling her slim form with his arms. 

_ 'Sessha…? Oh Kenshin, I whish I could take this burden off your shoulders, this guilt that envelops you. I can't. But this, helping people, fighting in name of peace…this helps, doesn't it? So how can I…' _Kaoru thought, holding back the tears. _'I'll be strong for you. I have to.'_

"Well then we should get your things ready!" Kaoru declared trying to show enthusiasm but failing miserably. She grabbed his hand motioning for them to get up but he pulled her into his embrace. "Kaoru…" Kenshin whispered, tightening his hold on her, breathing in her sense. "I'm sorry."

"Don't, it's just something you have to do, I know." She silenced him, placing a soft kiss to his lips.

"You know I'll come back, right? I'll be back before Kenji's birthday next month." Kenshin said, planting a kiss on the top of her head. 

"Just come back to us, anata." Kaoru's voice was muffled in his chest, lifting her head she smiled at him.

"Always Koishii," Kenshin smiled back at her, bending his head down, he brought his lips to hers for a warm kiss.

**~**~**~**~**

The sound of the water breaking against the ship brought him back to reality this time. He opened his eyes, seeing only the blue ocean, his mind still fighting to not give up on that memory. Kenshin recalled that last night in a long time they spent together. How they had made love passionately, like they always did, the way she had given herself completely to him, the way he had taken everything she had to offer, even when he himself couldn't let go completely. The way she had stood there, waving her hand, a bright smile crossing her face, and had watched him leave again. Moments like those only served to show how right he was about feeling unworthy of her.

Kenshin sighed, his thoughts drifting to his son. He hadn't come back in time for Kenji's third birthday like he said he would. He would have to figure out what damage this had caused to their already fragile relationship. He could only blame himself and his frequent absences for that situation. Kenji's birthday was just another thing to add to the crescent list of events in his son's life he had been missing. It was pretty ironic the fact he had always got along very well with children and yet with his own son he never seemed to get it right.

On the day he made his promise, he would never have imagined he would end up in China. What have started with a regular small rebellion turned out taking amazing proportions he would never have guessed. It became clear to him the evident weakness of the Meiji government for being incapable to stop the riot before it grew. The negligence and bad organization were bringing the government closer to a breaking point sometime soon and the people would be the ones to suffer the consequences. In the end history always repeats itself anyway.

When Kenshin finished these thoughts, the ship had just reached the shore and excitement washed over him as well as an indescribable warm feeling that he only felt when he was at home. 

Not wanting to waste anymore time, Kenshin hurried himself to say farewell to the men who had become his companions for the last months. When he finally reached the streets of Tokyo an enormous sense of relief fell upon him.

He sped up towards the dojo, looking around absently for any changes in the town. Happy to notice the static of the places he was used to, few changes were in evidence. The air still held the same smell, that one of wet grass, so different from the smell he was used to in the past. The people's faces now at peace and he tried hard to remember he had fought for those numerous faces. He watched the children playing on the streets, free from care, and he secretly envied their ignorance regarding the world and the cruelty that always came along with life. 

When he finally reached the dojo's gate, he hesitated, for the first time afraid of how he would be welcomed. _'Just come back to us, anata,'_ Kaoru's words ringing inside his mind spun away his fears. She wanted him back. He opened the gate and didn't contain the smile slowly blossoming as he heard sounds of sword practice coming from the dojo. 

Stepping in the large room he promptly saw Yahiko standing in front of several students practicing intently. The dojo sure had grown famous. And people started showing interest for its technique. Kaoru was probably thrilled with the crescent movement. 

It didn't take long for Yahiko to notice him. The boy's mouth dropped open with surprise as he stared the red haired man. Forgetting his students he rushed to Kenshin's side, "Kenshin!! You're back. Finally!" he spat out excitedly.

"It's good to see you, Yahiko!" Kenshin said, smiling broadly at the youngster and patting his shoulder. "It's been so long. You definitely look grown up."

At this Yahiko couldn't do anything but grin widely, his chest inflated full of pride for a moment, before curiosity came over his face. "Where have you been, Kenshin? What the hell happened?" he asked eagerly.

"China." Kenshin responded flatly, already knowing the answer would only bring more questions to the boy.

"China!? What do you mean? Weren't you taking care of a rebels group?" Yahiko's brows drew together.

"It's a long story. If you don't mind, Yahiko, sessha would like to talk about it later when everybody is gathered…" looking around, searching, Kenshin asked, "Where's Kaoru and Kenji?"

"Oh! They're out with Sanosuke." Yahiko answered nonchalantly, not noticing Kenshin's face of surprise, eyes widened, and the characteristic word already escaping from his lips.

"Oro?! Sano's here?" Kenshin couldn't help the surprise in his voice. It had been three years since he last saw Sanosuke, he had always hope to see his good friend again though.

Yahiko regarded the red haired man for a moment; understanding came to him eventually as he smacked his own forehead with one hand. "Oh! That's right, you don't know he's back! Well he showed up just a few weeks after you left and he's been living here since then." 

Kenshin's smile grew wider as the news of his best friend coming back finally sank in. "Where did they go, Yahiko?"

"They went to the river but…" before he could finish, Kenshin had already turned and walked away. 

"Oi! They're probably coming ba…Tsc, what's the use anyway!? He's already gone!" Yahiko finished, murmuring to himself as he watched Kenshin left.

Kenshin walked fast in the direction of the river. He couldn't sit and wait knowing they were so close after all that time without seeing his wife and son. No, he wouldn't. He needed to see them without anymore delay. The wait was becoming excruciating.

The very first thing he heard was her laugh, carefree and happy, just like he remembered. Kenshin inhaled deeply allowing the sound to engulf him. How could he spend so much time away from her when all he wanted was to be with her? Truth was, in those months apart from here, there'd be moments he thought he would go completely insane when the need of being with her took on an unbearable intensity. How many times had he thought of leaving all that fighting behind and come back to his family? To her understanding arms? But he didn't, his own guilt and his strong need of atonement for the crimes he committed in the past wouldn't let him go. They're stuck in his soul, already a part of his being. 

"Sano no baka! Put him down!" he heard her shouting, attempting it to be a scolding but failing not able to hold back her giggles.

"Oi Jou-chan he's not afraid of highs, right Kenji-chan?" he could hear his friend replying and laughing casually.

"Hai! Higher, higher!" This time was the small voice of his son that caught his ears, he sounded more grown up. 

Walking further, he finally got the full sight of them. Kenji was sitting on Sano's shoulder, his little hands lifted up as if trying to reach the sky. Kaoru, on the other hand, held her arms up, reaching for their son in the attempt to bring him down and save him from Sano. She even tried jumping to extend her reach to no avail.

Aside from the happiness in finally seeing his family again, Kenshin felt something else, something creeping upon him as he watched the beautiful picture they made. The feeling of an enormous lost, washing over him painfully as a bath of cold water. He tried desperately to shake it away and not let his soul be poisoned with it.

It appeared to have something wrong, something misplaced in the happy little family image they created. He was supposed to be the husband and the father. It should be him to take care of them, to take them to a walk on the riverside. But it wasn't. He could only blame himself and the choices he made. Did he have the right to claim back his place when he was the one choosing to leave them and fight for strangers even with the best of his intentions? He hoped he did. Had he become only a disturbing memory to shatter their happiness? He wished he hadn't. Had his frequent time of absence been long enough to change their hearts? He prayed it hadn't.

Looking at what his life should be, could be, a new resolution took place in his mind, enlightening it. Now that he was back, he would make everything back to the way they should be. He would make his wife happy and he would win his son's affection and respect. He had to. 

Holding on to that new promise, decided, Kenshin walked past the shadows, ready to reveal his presence, he settled back a smile upon his face.

"Tadaima," his voice low and tentative.

And time stopped.

~º~º~º~º~º~º~º~To be continued.

Thanks for reading.

Tadaima: I'm home 


	2. Okaeri nasai

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** Disclaimer**: I don't own Rurouni Kenshin.

Author's note: I'd like to thank all those who took their time to read and review my story. Thanks! 

A big thanks to Merith for beta-reading this chapter and for all her help and suggestions. If you like Inuyasha, you definitely should read her fics! She's an amazing writer!

*IMPORTANT*: This story completely disregards the existence of Seisouhen. As far as I'm concerned it never happened!

"..." indicates dialogues

'...' indicates thoughts

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** FINDING THE WAY BACK**

Chapter two: Okaeri nasai

"Tadaima." Hearing a voice coming from behind the trees, Kaoru's arms stopped in mid-air. She knew instantly to whom that voice belonged. Her mind started racing with thoughts while good sense tried to convince her she was imagining things. It's been so long and the thought of him coming back was so constant, so needed that her mind had created it so many times to make her dream that he was back only to shatter the thought over and over. Was it really him this time? 

Her arms frozen in the act of reaching her son, she turned her head towards the voice's source. Time stopped and her heart skipped a beat, only to start beating faster afterward. There he was, standing there just like she remembered him. The heavy wind failing miserably in its attempt to take him away, only slightly sweeping his hair and clothes. She regarded him carefully for a moment, he had his long red hair pulled in a tight low ponytail and was wearing a blue _gi_ and white _hakama_. When her eyes met his violet ones she briefly wondered if they had always been that bright. 

Despite the many times she had pictured his homecoming, she found herself unable to speak. Kaoru fought to put her thoughts back on track and stay calm. The sudden idea she had to say something came rushing to her and she said the only words that could match his.

"Okaeri nasai."

As the words registered in his brain, those very words he was expecting to hear, he felt a sudden joy wash over him. She was welcoming him home. He saw her approaching and his heart pounded faster. Kenshin allowed himself to act impulsively, not caring they were in a public place or about Sanosuke's presence, he stepped forward and hugged her. For reassurance maybe, he wasn't sure, he just had to do that. All that mattered at that point was the fact he had her in his arms and he wouldn't let her go too soon.

They stood there for some time, with him holding her and the soft wind's breeze rustling on them, providing a fresh good awareness and a moment to keep. Kenshin held her so tight she herself couldn't return the hug. Her arms trapped, Kaoru remembered of another time he had held her that way. A sad time when he had said goodbye to her in the middle of a night enlightened by fireflies. This time, however, he had returned home.

Kaoru felt his breath on her ear and couldn't help the faint blush crossing her face. It felt odd to have such timid reaction caused by him after everything they've been through. Then again it also felt a little awkward to be held that way. Kaoru reproached herself for feeling like that, it was ridiculous since they were married and those were moments usually shared by wives and husbands yet everything seemed so far from real. And she couldn't help but fear that maybe time had played its dices with them.

"I'm sorry koishii" Kenshin whispered, bringing her back from her reverie.

She signed and closed her eyes, still lost in his embrace. "K-Kenshin, why? Wha-?"

"For being away for so long. For leaving you and Kenji. For not being worthy," he said in a tiny voice. 

"It's ok. You're back now" she replied, no emotion discerned from her words, just the plain comfort he needed.

Loosening herself a little from his strong embrace, Kaoru searched his eyes, a tentative smile lit up her face, "I'm glad you're back, we all missed you."

When her warmth began to wrap around him, he felt her pulling away; turning in his arms, Kaoru looked for their son, "Kenji, come to say hi to your father."

Reluctantly Kenshin let her go. Aware of Kenji's presence, he needed to face him. His gaze fell on the child who was still sitting on his best friend's shoulder. Kenshin tried to read his son's expression and his heart twisted painfully at what he found. To Kenshin's smile, the kid's only response was a blank face in return. Kenji childish eyes for a moment lost all the vividness, turning into something Kenshin was afraid to determine. His three years child was looking at him as if he were a complete stranger. 

Sano broke the silence that had suddenly fallen upon them, "Oi little brat go talk to your dad," he scolded putting the child down back on the ground, one hand coaxing the boy towards Kenshin. 

The little boy hesitated for awhile but seeing his mother's stern look at him, he walked forward stopping a few feet away from the red haired man. Kenshin couldn't help the warmhearted smile as he watched his son. Kenji looked so brave for one who was so small. He bent and hugged the child to him. 

"I missed you, Kenji. I'm so sorry." Kenshin said in a small voice. 

Kenji scrunched his face and fought to be free of the older man's arms. He ran to his mother and hugged himself into one of her legs, effectively hiding his face in the fabric of her kimono. His childlike reaction brought a smile on everyone's face. 

"Hey Kenshin, glad to see ya man!" Sano said, approaching Kenshin, hands in his pockets.

"So am I, Sano. When did you come back?" Kenshin turned to his friend, lips still curved into an amused smile.

"Only a month after you left." Kaoru answered, looking down at her son. She ran a hand through his hair, encouraging him to look up. The only response she got was a small grumble of disagreement as Kenji buried his face deeper into the cloth of her kimono. 

"I even considered going to help you with those scumbags but thought you'd want me to stay and look after things here for ya." Sano said grinning, taking a quick look at Kaoru and Kenji. 

Kenshin followed Sanosuke's line of vision and his eyes also fell on his family; comprehension was drawn to him, he knew Sanosuke meant he'd rather stay and watch over Kaoru and Kenji. Kenshin nodded thankfully, returning his friend's grin. 

"We must get going. You must be tired and hungry, Kenshin." Kaoru intervened.

"Don't worry, Kaoru-dono. Sessha is just too happy for being back."

"What! Still with the dono? You married her, had a son with her and didn't drop the dono! Amazing!" Sano shouted, rubbing the back of his neck, a look of pure disbelief on his face.

"Sano! You're such an idiot sometimes!" Kaoru scolded, blushing furiously.

Kenshin just laughed, but the smile soon died as he watched his wife. A sudden wave of desire passed through him as his eyes lingered on Kaoru and he remembered of another name he used to call her during their most intimate moments. Yes, he had missed her and he loved seeing her angry like that. Kenshin drew near her and hugged Kaoru from behind, hiding his smirking face into the curve of her neck. "Calm down, koishii. Let's go home. I've missed you," he whispered in her ear, giving emphasis to the endearment so she would know what he meant. 

"A-alright." Kaoru stammered her cheeks flushing a deep shade of red. She didn't remember of him being so bold. Well, at least not in front of others. 

"Come here, Kenji-chan. Let's give your mom and dad some time alone." Sano said. Picking Kenji up, he sat the boy back on his shoulder and started moving.

Kenshin took hold of Kaoru's hand and pulled her along, following Sanosuke along the way back to the dojo; back home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After they had come back to the dojo, Kaoru insisted for Kenshin to go get some rest. Politely he declined it, stating he had a lot of rest during the journey back home, which, of course, was a lie and she knew it. However she said nothing against it, opting to offer arranging something for him to eat before night dragged out further on. 

Kenshin was going to argue with it again, for all he wanted was to talk with her, there were so many things he had to clear out; sure lunch and sleep could wait. But to his amazement he was cut off by Sanosuke who offered Kaoru his assistance. Kenshin was sure that, in middle of his confusion, he had let out a very much shocked "oro", or at least he thought he had as his eyes darted from his wife to his friend. There it was something he never imagined he would hear from Sanosuke Sagara, to nicely offered help with cooking, an ordinary house chore! But, well his friend never stopped to amaze him and Kenshin knew that despite all that pose of tough and lonely guy Sano put on every time, the former gangster had always willingly helped people no matter what. 

Therefore, after the initial shock and a couple of hours filled with yelling and objects being thrown in the kitchen, dinner was ready and all dojo's occupants were sitting at the table listening to Kenshin's latest adventure. 

"So you wound up in China?!" Sano shouted through a mouthful. 

"I should have gone with you Kenshin. You have no idea how boring it is to train those students." Yahiko said disdainfully, shaking his head to emphasize his derision.

"Well at least they're paying and some of them are really promising. Besides they come here to learn, Yahiko!" Kaoru told him off across the table.

"Tsc… if you ask me the price is not at all fair for they get to learn from Yahiko Myoujin!" The teenager boy said, one thumb pointing proudly at himself.

A deep silence fell about the room before a burst of laughter could be heard, most coming from Sanosuke and Kaoru. Kenshin was just smiling amused mainly due to the other two outbursts and Kenji was pretty much laughing of Yahiko's infuriated face. 

"Oh, mighty swordsman, please have mercy of us mortal ones." Sano mocked, he tried accentuating the words but failed miserably as he laughed all through it. Calming down a little, he added, "Hey can you see us from that height? Get down and join us!"

"Shut up, rooster head! You always take ugly's side anyway." Yahiko shouted back.

"Well, that's because when it comes to you I'm always right! And frankly Yahiko, lately your ego has taken dangerous proportions!" Kaoru scolded him, shaking her head. 

"Yeah…" Sano agreed. "Not to mention I'm a guest at her house, Yahiko-ch-"

"Don't start it! You can always have your longhouse back, that good-for-nothing place full of rats!" the young samurai retorted exasperated, getting up. 

"You're the one who wanted to move out, Yahiko." Kaoru pointed out and Kenji, sitting on her lap, nodded his agreement. 

"…which reminds me I have to go! Good to see you again, Kenshin." Yahiko said, turning away to leave. 

He had already reached the gates when he heard Kenji's childish voice, "Yaiiko's leaving 'cause he has a date with Tsubame-chan, right uncle Sano?"

"SHUT UP, brat! Gees, even the brat now…" Yahiko's protests could still be heard before slowly faded as he walked off.

"That was a good one, Kenji-chan!" Sanosuke said, smiling and nodding his approval to Kenji who just sat on his mother's lap laughing happily.

"Now, Sano! Stop teaching him this kind of behavior!" Kaoru reprimanded.

"Look who is talking! Hey Kenshin, I hope it's ok with you, ya know, for me to stay here," Sanosuke's voice held a hint of hesitation; he glanced at Kaoru shortly before settling his eyes on the red haired man's face.

"Of course, if it's ok with Kaoru-dono then sessha is more than happy to have you here with us. And it doesn't make sense to look for a place to move in if you don't intend to stay to long, that it doesn't. When are you planning on resume to your travel around the world, Sano?" Kenshin asked nonchalantly, taking another bite of food. 

"Oh! Yeah…about that…" Sanosuke was cut short by a child weeping that drew everyone's attention. 

"Mommy, what's he talking about? Why is uncle Sano leaving?" Kenji's small crying voice filled up the room; his eyes sparkling with tears, glared at Kenshin.

"He's not going anywhere Kenji, right Sano?" Kaoru intervened quickly.

"Yeah. Don't worry!" Sanosuke backed her up, trying to reassure the little one. "As I was saying I think I'll stay here, Kenshin. I had enough of traveling." 

"Sano has a job, Kenshin! He works with Tsukioka-san, kind of collecting information for the newspaper." Kaoru said with a smile, looking at Sanosuke and then turning her eyes back to Kenshin. 

"Oro!? Sano has a job…really?" Kenshin sounded completely taken aback. 

"Hey! It can't be that hard to believe so you don't have to bulge your eyes like that!" Sanosuke barked annoyed. 

Kenshin never meant to offend his friend but the fact Sanosuke had a job and had decided to stay in Tokyo was indeed very surprising and would make anyone that knew the tall man to at least stare at him with wide open eyes. Kenshin could tell, only after a few hours he had spent with his friend, Sanosuke seemed to have changed a great deal. Even with the jokes and the remains of his gangster attitude, Sanosuke sounded more responsible and mature, especially around Kenji. And along with that last thought, Kenshin couldn't help the little hint of envy he felt against the other man, the image of his desolate son at the mention of his uncle's departure replayed on his mind, surprising him again. 

_ 'Well I can't expect the same treatment being as absent in Kenji's life as I've been. He is my child though, and I will find a way to his heart, that I will.'_ Kenshin's attention drew to Kenji and he smiled tenderly at the boy's transparent contentment, sitting on his mother's lap, he eagerly rocked his suspended little legs as he ate. He looked so grown up. Then it hit him, Kenji's birthday, he missed it but he hasn't forgotten about it. Walking to a corner of the room, where he had left his sack, his hands started to look for something inside. 

When he finally found it, an open smile curving his lips, he had everyone's attention on him.

"Here!" He exclaimed pulling a medium package out of his bag. Kenshin walked back to the table and held the package out to Kenji whose eyes were widened in surprise.

"I'm sorry for missing your birthday, Kenji-chan. But I brought you a present. Here, take it." He said cheerfully handing the package to his son.

The little boy gaped at his father suspiciously, his little brows knitting together. Then he looked up to his mother as if asking her what to do. 

Seeing the kid's hesitation, Kaoru grabbed the present and smiled down at her puzzled son. "Don't you wanna see what your dad brought to you? I'll help you to open it," she offered, setting the box over his lap. With her hands over his little ones she coaxed him to open it, revealing a black wooden horse. It was obviously a Chinese piece, very well worked and very beautiful. 

Kaoru lifted her head, her eyes meeting her husband's and she gave him a warm smile, glad he had remembered his son's taste. "Look Kenji-chan, what a beautiful horse."

"I don't want it." Kenji said dryly, his face shadowed by his bangs.

"Didn't you like it, Kenji-chan?" Kenshin asked, brows drawn together in concern. 

"What ya talking about, brat! You love horses…for some reason." Sanosuke cried out. 

"Sano's right, Kenji. Remember that time you ran after one? You made me really worried." Kaoru said, nodding her head. 

Kenji got up of his mother's lap abruptly, leveling his eyes to glare to all of them. "Well, don't like it anymore. Stupid animals." He shouted, anger tainting his innocent features. He threw the object roughly back to Kenshin before storming out to his bedroom. 

Like the others, Kaoru stared at her retreating son, surprise crossing her face. Kenshin drew her attention when he motioned to go after Kenji. Gently, she placed a hand over his shoulder stopping him. "Let me go talk with him. You need to get some rest," Kaoru coaxed him. Picking up the discarded gift, she walked after the child. 

"Kenshin," she called from the corner of the hall.

"Yes?" Kenshin's voice inquired. 

"You know…he'll need some time…" her voice wavered and drifted off. _'We both will'_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kenshin laid on his futon but as hard as he tried the needed rest wouldn't come. Not when his mind was in a rush with thoughts he'd rather not venture further on, at least for that moment in time. He remembered Kenji's reaction not long ago. Yes, there was anger in his eyes, but also there was something deeper, stronger. Hurt. He had hurt his child, a boy of only three years. Too young to understand or care about his father's sins and frequent absences. 

He couldn't say he was surprise though. He knew it would be a hard task to be allowed back in his son's life. But still to accept it was not easy and he tried not to let that incident get him down. He had been back for only one day after all and couldn't expect to have his life the way it had been six months ago. It wasn't fair with them.

His mind was drawn to Kaoru and her reaction, that one for sure, had surprised him. In the past she would always welcome him with a warm embrace, with or without the presence of other people despite her shyness. Considering the extensive period he had been away this last time he would even expect her to be seriously mad at him, in fact he was even waiting for her to yell furiously at him. However what he found, the indifference and vagueness so uncharacteristic of her along with the lack of response made his brows drew together in speculation. When she saw him back on the river he noticed something in her eyes he chose to ignore at that point. Whereas then, he had taken her hesitation as sign of surprise, he now knew there was more to it, she seemed to struggle with herself deciding what she should do. 

He shifted restless on the futon, thinking about their walk back to the dojo. Even when they were walking side by side, almost alone, her behavior had been so accurate and so controlled. Kaoru had shown worry towards him, as expected. She had asked the most obvious question, such as how he was, if he was hurt, if the battle had been too hard. She tried, he noticed, to keep him focused on details of the battle and such as if to avoid talking with him about her or Kenji. About how their life had been during the time he was away. And when he asked her about those kinds of things she would quickly change the subject or give a monosyllabic answer in return. Or even worst, Sanosuke would step in suddenly and tell him a pointless story.

He would have to talk with her to see what was wrong. If she would at least come to their bedroom already! Kenshin knew she was with Kenji, that's probably the only reason of why he didn't drag her there. He wanted to wait for her so they could talk but, little by little, he felt drowsiness taking the best of him. His eyes slowly closing, he let out a yawn when he heard the door slid open.

"Koishii" he murmured. 

"Yes. Are you comfortable? Can I get you another blanket?" Kaoru asked truthfully worried. 

"I'm fine. It would be much better if you were here with me though." Kenshin said, eyes closed and a mischievous smile on his face. 

Kaoru kneeled next to him, "O-oh I can't. I promised Kenji I would tell him a story. I just thought I should check on you first."

One eye cracked open to study her. Seeing the concern on her face, Kenshin decided to save the talking for the next day. 

"Alright." He agreed but when she motioned to move away he stopped her, holding her by one arm.

"Kenshin?" she stammered confused. 

"It's just that sessha always sleeps better when you're close. Would you mind staying for a minute?" Kenshin's tone was low and tentative. 

He saw her hesitation again, but she smiled so warmly at him that he chose not to think about its meaning. Sitting on the futon, Kaoru gently placed his head resting on her lap. As sleep was taking over him, she ran her fingers through his hair. She loved his hair, so soft and so beautiful. A sudden rush of sadness came over her, tears already forming in her eyes, she pondered _'How long until you leave us again, Kenshin?'_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kaoru closed the door shut behind her. She walked towards Kenji's bedroom so distracted she only noticed the large dark frame after colliding with it. 

"Ouch!" She exclaimed rubbing her forehead.

"Pay more attention to your steps!" a gruff voice scolded her.

"Sano! What are you doing, walking around like a ghost? You scared me! And keep you voice down, Kenshin's sleeping." Kaoru whispered, her eyes narrowed trying to see him through the darkness.

"Ok. Have you talked with him?" Sano asked, trying really hard to keep his voice in a low tone. 

At his question, Kaoru dropped her head and remained silent, lazily drawing circles with her toes on the floor.

"So…? Have you?" Sano prodded. 

Still choosing silence, she shook her head.

"You know you have to, don't you?" Sanosuke expressed, his voice took a very serious tone. At her stubborn silence, he added, "He's your husband, Kaoru. He has the right to know."

This time he heard a soft sobbing and could see through the weak moonlight the tears sparkling in her eyes. Stepping forward, she leaned her head on his arm. Feeling teardrops through the material of his jacket, he tried to comfort her, "Damn, I'm sorry, Kaoru." His other arm wrapped around her slim from, bringing her close. 

"He just came back today, you know." She said emphatically, making it sound like an excuse.

"Yeah…but sooner or later, you'll have to tell him." He repeated, this time his voice was more soothing and he ran a hand over her hair. He hesitated before asking, "Do you… want me to talk with him?"

Kaoru reacted brusquely at his offer, shoving herself away from him and stumbling backwards, she stared at his face a little terrified. Completely forgetting to hold her voice in a low tone, Kaoru nearly squeaked, "NO!" 

"Shhh! If you keep yelling like that he won't have any problem in finding it out for himself!" Keeping a finger on his own mouth, Sanosuke warned her.

Kaoru exhaled soundly, trying to calm down a little. Her voice was back to a low level when she spoke next, "Sorry! I just don't… Sano, promise me you won't say a word to him. Promise me, please!" 

Hesitating a bit, Sanosuke regarded her thoughtfully. "Ok…I won't say anything. Anyway, I was just trying to help. I know how hard it will be for you."

"Yes but it's something I'll have to do by myself, ok?" At his nod she relaxed and turned away. "I'll better check on Kenji now. Good night, Sano" she whispered over her shoulder, casting him one last look.

_ 'Good night, Kaoru…'_ Sighing, Sanosuke watched her go before leaving to his room as well.

~º~º~º~º~º~º~º~To be continued.

Thanks for reading.

Okaeri nasai: Welcome back.


	3. Distance

Disclaimers: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin.

A huge thanks to Nekotsuki for beta reading this chapter for me!

**FINDING THE WAY BACK**

Chapter 3: Distance

It had been a while now since he had woken and started watching every inch of her, every slight movement she made. At first, when awareness came to him his primary instinct was to reach out for her; not feeling the closeness of her body that he so desperately sought, he frowned a little. When he stretched one arm out to the side and still could not find her, his frown deepened in disappointment for not waking by her side. A little annoyed, Kenshin cracked one eye open and was surprised at what he found. Kaoru was, in fact, still asleep, but she was lying on another futon next to his. A little puzzled, Kenshin regarded her recoiled form curiously.

An uninvited thought - of her not being used to him sleeping next to her anymore - quickly crossed his mind before he got rid of it, moving closer to her instead. Kenshin was now watching her, lying on his side, his weight supported by an elbow, with his head resting on his hand. He leaned over her, barely blinking, breathing the air she exhaled. Kenshin always felt captivated by contemplating her sleeping, absorbed by the powerful emotions she was capable of triggering within him and by that ephemeral feeling of time stopping. Everything because of her. Times like these made him feel as though he had found some peace, even if just a little.

His free hand brushed the locks of hair away from her face, bringing them to caress the skin under his nose as he let their scent invade his lungs. Suddenly, all the time apart became incredibly heavy. He needed something more tangible to make sure everything would be fine. The exposed skin of her shoulder seemed to be an invitation for the present reality. He gently traced her soft skin with his fingers. The feeling brought back memories of intimate moments he had shared with her. Needing to feel more of her, he brushed his lips on her naked skin. When he felt her shivering slightly in response, he deepened the contact, kissing the curve of her neck. That touch… that taste, he knew he was lost. His need to feel her became unbearable to restrain.

Kenshin tried to argue with himself; he knew they had a lot to talk about. He now felt even more unworthy of her kindness and love than ever before ... but he felt as if he were under a spell, controlled now only by the powerful need to be with her. His lips were on hers, smoothly. One of his hands ventured further on her body; satisfied on recognizing all of her curves, a proud male grin made its way to his lips, which now tasted the skin of her throat. Kenshin was rewarded by a soft moan of pleasure, making him deepen the contact between their bodies.

However, when he felt her stiffen, hands desperately trying to push him away with widened and scared blue eyes, he instantly stopped his actions, surprised and suddenly afraid. For a brief moment, he just gazed down at her, lacking the ability to perform any action. Recovering from his initial stupor, he moved away from her, casting her an apologetic look.

"K-Kenshin…" she faltered, surprise clear on her voice.

"I'm sorry, koishii. I shouldn't have…" he said apologetically, ashamed of himself for giving into his primal desires.

"Kenshin, no… I'm sorry. It was just… I wasn't…"

"Expecting it?" He said the words, feeling his heart tighten in pain. When she hesitated to say them, the words just spilled out of his mouth. He knew, though - he would rather have him saying it in her place than having it directly from her. What did he expect, after all? He had been the one gone for half a year. What right did he have to show up, expecting her to kindly welcome him home… or to her bed?

"Please, don't be like that, Kenshin." She reached out a hand to his face, caressing his scared cheek. "I was being silly. And stop apologizing! I missed you too." Now her hand prompted his face up to look at her.

He delved into her blue pools. _I don't deserve you. Never did. But now, it's too late, there's no life for me without you. I'll accept whatever you can give me._ He took her face in his hands. Kissing the top of her head lightly, he said, "Kaoru, what made me go through all those pointless battles was my will to see you and Kenji again." He felt her kiss the palm of his hand. _So sweet._

"You don't have to worry anymore. We understand your priorities."

His eyes widened at her words, he felt his heart sinking. Didn't she know she was his priority? She and Kenji? Hadn't he shown her enough how much they mattered to him? Again, fear plagued him. He barely acknowledged how the hold on her arm had tightened; only when he felt her muscles contracting and watched her screwing her face up, did he let the grip loosen. Without, however, letting go of her. "You two are my priority, Kaoru," he said emphatically.

She smiled sadly at him, more to appease his newly arisen fears than from any real desire. "Okay. Let's not talk about this anymore. You're here," she said, patting his hand that held her arm with hers, urging him to let her go. "Good morning, by the way."

His brows knotted inquiringly at her unveiled attempt to change subjects; still, he complied.

"Good morning, koishii." He hid any further concerns by snuggling his face into the curve of her neck, filling his lungs with her scent. "That's one of the things I missed the most: waking up by your side. You didn't have to sleep so far away though."

She smiled sympathetically, taking in a deep breath. "You were tired and when I came in you were asleep, and I didn't want to wake you up."

"I wouldn't mind, koishii," he whispered in her ear, and moved to give her neck an open-mouthed kiss. Kenshin felt her stiffen again, and raised an eyebrow. Why did it feel as if she were not really there with him … or that she didn't want to be with him? Before he could restrain himself, his hold on her tightened again and he voiced his concern, "Kaoru, something is wrong."

She dropped her head so she wouldn't face him. He had to strain his ears to hear what she said next. "Don't be mad or apologetic, but it just feels a little awkward. We have so much to talk about."

"So let's talk," he said, unable to hide the urgency in his voice.

"I can't now. I'm already late. I have to fix breakfast. Sano will wake up soon to go to work," she said, and moved to get up. He held her back.

"Koishii, Sano is grown up enough. Sure he'll fix something for himself." His lips curved into an amused smile.

She laughed heartily, the sound making something inside of him wake; joyfulness he acknowledged.

"I know. It's not him I'm worried about, but every day when he wakes up, Kenji does too." She shrugged, amused. "He likes eating breakfast with Sano."

"Is that so?" A small smile quirked his mouth.

Her mouth twisted into a reproachful pout, but there was amusement in her voice. "Yes, he walks Sano to the dojo door. Last time I failed to get him up in time, he was mad at me until lunch time."

Kenshin chuckled softly, ignoring the sudden bitter acknowledgement that came along with that customary behavior of his son, which was the fact that he knew Kenji so poorly. He shoved the thoughts away to the back of his head.

"Then I'll help you with breakfast, koishii," he offered, as he got up, pulling her with him.

* * *

As the glare of the sun made its way through the kitchen's window, Kenshin and Kaoru busied themselves with fixing the breakfast. Kaoru seemed determined to avoid Kenshin's eyes as they accomplished the task. 

Kenji was already waiting at the table. He had shown up just a few minutes after they started cooking, walking happily to greet his mother good morning. When he saw Kenshin, however, he glared at him with narrowed eyes and said not even a word, much to his mother's discontent and his father's sadness. Seeing the hurt on Kenshin's face, Kaoru reproached her son with her eyes, and he grumbled his father a 'morning', without looking at him.

Kaoru was about to voice a reprimand when she felt a hand pressing on her shoulder slightly. She turned her eyes, puzzled, to find Kenshin shaking his head softly, his eyes hurt but telling her to let it go. And so she did.

They resumed preparing the breakfast. All the while, she took quick glimpses of Kenshin through the corners of her eyes. _I'm sorry Kenshin. If only you knew how hard it is for me …_ Without noticing, as a spontaneous effect of her own, one hand had moved over his, slightly squeezing it. He looked at her, a little surprised at first, but when his eyes fell on their joined hands a smile made its way to his lips, lighting his features.

Kenshin opened his mouth to say something, when they heard Sanosuke's angry voice coming from outside. They heard an apologetic second voice, realizing quickly afterwards that he was arguing with someone.

"What do you want here? We don't want the likes of you here! Get out!" Sano's voice came as an angry growl.

"M-Mr. Himura. I need to speak with him," followed a fearful reply.

Upon hearing his name, Kenshin, casting Kaoru a significant look, turned on his heels and walked towards the courtyard. Kaoru followed him after picking Kenji up to stop the boy from running outside when he first heard Sanosuke's voice.

"Please, sir, calm down. I'm just here to deliver a message to Mr. Himura." Kenshin saw the younger police officer stammer as he walked backwards, away from Sano's sudden display of rage.

Kenshin smiled, offering a truce as he spoke, "This unworthy one is he. Sano, now, now, let me just see what the officer needs."

"Humph, your choice," Sano snarled, glaring one more time at the police officer before he walked away.

As Kenshin watched a little puzzled as his friend retreated between cursing words, something else caught his attention. Kaoru had her eyes surprisingly full of concern, fixed on the officer, and Kenji was tightly clutched by his mother, face hidden in her hair; his little form trembling slightly, much to Kenshin's amazement. When Sanosuke reached the two of them, he said something to Kaoru who nodded tensely and handed him Kenji. The tall man took the little boy inside and Kaoru stayed there still and rigid, eyes still fixed on the officer, face full of apprehension.

_Maybe she thinks I might leave again._ Kenshin's head dropped at that thought. He had caused her heart a deep wound, he could see that clearly now. Wanting to draw to a close this upsetting and awkward situation, Kenshin turned to the officer, nodding his head indicating the man should speak now.

"Sorry to disturb you, Mr. Himura. It's just that you're needed at the police station to finish the reports about the riot. The chief wants to add your statement on the matter," the officer said politely.

Before responding, Kenshin looked at Kaoru, hoping the younger man's words had eased her worries about his leaving again, but surprisingly the concern had not left her face. He could still see it clearly, only now he saw something he had missed before – fear.

"Sir?" the officer prodded.

Turning his now puzzled features to the youngest, he replied nonchalantly, "Oh! Tell him sessha will make sure to be there before lunchtime."

The police officer nodded his agreement. "Alright. Thank you, sir. It's been an honor speaking with you."

Kenshin nodded politely in return and watched the man leave the dojo, his thoughts still hovering over Kaoru's reaction.

* * *

Tsukioka's place was on the way to the police station, which brought Kenshin to offer accompanying Sano along part of the way. He initially thought it would be a great opportunity to catch up with his best friend. Much to his disappointment, however, Sano walked the entire path brooding and muttering something about 'stupid cops'. After a while, Kenshin decided to break the monologue. 

"Oro! I think your job with Tsukioka-dono made you more intolerant with the Meiji government, in particular with the police, that it did."

Sano growled another cursing word against the police force community before replying. "They are scum, Kenshin. I don't understand how you can walk among them."

"They work to keep people's safety … at least, most of them do."

"Just do me a favor. Next time, don't send officers to look after the dojo, will ya?"

Kenshin's brows furrowed together at his friend's words; confused, he asked, "Next time?"

"Yes, next time you leave," Sano said unceremoniously.

Kenshin stopped moving abruptly as he cast his friend a serious look. "I don't intend to leave anytime soon, Sano."

Sanosuke might have realized that Kenshin had stopped his progress and was eyeing him, because he turned about to face the red haired man. Narrowing his eyes for an instant, Sanosuke studied Kenshin. "Well, whatever you say. Just don't send them over to the dojo."

"But Sano, sessha wants Kaoru and Kenji to be protected when I'm not around."

"Don't worry, I'll protect them, okay? Besides, we don't like them."

"_We?_ Who is 'we', Sano?"

"You know, Kaoru, Kenji and me." Sano gave Kenshin a quizzical look as if he had just asked a question to which the answer was obvious.

"Hey, this is where we split. We'll talk later, man," Sano said, turning around and walking in the opposite direction. Kenshin saw him raising a hand over his shoulder to gesture him good-bye. "See ya."

* * *

Kenshin felt like smacking his own head. He walked fast on his way to the dojo, all the while cursing himself. It was his first day back, and he had spent it entirely at the police station, giving his statement and helping the police chief to finish the reports. 

The sun had set hours ago; he looked up at the sky and saw the full moon. On any other day, he would think it to be beautiful and resplendent; today, however, it felt more like another sign to accuse him of his lack of thoughtfulness to his family. He hastened his steps.

To make everything even worse, he had run into Yahiko on his way home. The boy had, to his amazement, reproached him fiercely for not coming back to the dojo sooner. Confused, Kenshin inquired if something had happened. Adding more to his sense of guilt, Yahiko answered that he had missed his own welcome home party.

_Yes, we wanted to throw you a party, of course! You've been gone for half a year, Kenshin! Sano brought the sake, Tae the food and Kaoru spent the day preparing the dojo. We even gave the students a day off._ He had heard the boy saying.

This was bad; really bad, Kenshin admitted. Kaoru had been acting strangely and distantly enough without him doing stupid things. And now this! _I'll be lucky if she lets me sleep at the dojo tonight! Baka! _he cursed himself inwardly.

Reaching the dojo, Kenshin quietly opened the front door and swiftly crossed the courtyard. The only light illuminating the house came from their bedroom. He hurried himself in that direction, sighing heavily when he caught sight of some discarded signs of his welcome home party.

Kenshin stared at the door for what seemed an eternity before entering in silence. Through the only candle lit, he could see Kaoru sitting on their futon, fixing herself to sleep. She was carefully braiding her long raven hair. Kenshin's breath caught in his throat and he felt mesmerized by the picture she created. Feeling completely drawn to her he approached her with feather-like steps unnoticed to her.

Only when he touched her shoulder slightly and instinctively buried his head on the curve of her neck, did she notice his presence, stiffening slightly, her breath caught briefly in surprise.

"K-Kenshin?"

"Sorry, koishii, this unworthy one doesn't even deserve to be near you today. But… I can't help it. You allure me," he whispered in her ear, feeling her shivering slightly. "I've heard about the party." He saw her closing her eyes and his heart tightened a little. He hugged her securely from behind, needing to hold her, glad to feel one of her arms returning the hug by bracing one of his own.

"Who told you? I didn't want to… I knew you would feel guilty for missing it."

"No, you don't have to, koishii. Don't spare me of anything."

"We can have a party any time," she said sympathetically.

"I don't deserve you. Never did. I was afraid you would have realized that during these six months."

She sighed, her breath rustling on the hair on his arm, causing him a pleasant sensation. Kaoru turned her head to his, her eyes still closed. "Baka!" was all she said. When she opened her eyes, he saw the old glow he knew so well. _There she is. My Kaoru._ He couldn't help the amused smile curving his lips.

"Koishii, let this unworthy one do this for you," he said, taking in his hands her half-done braid. She hesitated for a moment. "Shhh… please, if only this."

Her hair felt so soft under his calloused hands; he loved to hold it. Bringing some tresses under his nose, he breathed it in. It smelled like her, the smell of jasmine. It filled his lungs, reaching his soul and like always, settling him down. She was peace to him, safety … home.

He barely noticed his hands venturing further on her body, her breathing heavy, and this time he felt her responding. His lips met hers hungrily in a passionate kiss.

It was then that it happened – a scared scream pierced uninvited through the silence.

"Kenji!" Kaoru cried, rolling to her feet immediately and running towards their son's bedroom.

The scream wouldn't stop; an agonizing sound. Kenshin reached for his sakabatou, and hastened to Kenji's bedroom as well. He was relieved, however, for not having sensed any strange presence. Nevertheless, he instinctively scanned the surroundings to make sure no threat was upon them.

He got to his child's bedroom even before Kaoru. Kenji was lying on his bed, struggling with himself and crying. Kaoru walked past him and kneeled down beside the little boy. She scooped him protectively in her arms; he was still thrashing about.

"Shh… that's okay, dear. Mommy is here now. You're safe."

The boy clutched on his mother as if she were his anchor back to reality. Slowly, his screams and trembling subdued to a child's cry.

Kenshin only took notice of Sanosuke's presence when he heard the tall man's concerned voice. "Another one?"

Kaoru's eyes, now filled with tears, met Sano's and she nodded, as she rocked Kenji in an attempt to give him any kind of peace.

"Kenji-chan, look at me. Are you alright?" Kaoru asked, coaxing him to look at her. The boy nodded amidst sobs; his mother's attention and concern succeeded in soothing his fears.

Instinctively, he looked towards the light coming through the opened door where Sanosuke and Kenshin stood. "Uncle Sano?" he cried in a small voice, and the tall man was at his side the next moment. But the boy kept staring past him at the other frame, scrunching his eyes to get a better sight of the shadow.

As the figure began moving towards the bed, the boy became frantically restless again, eyes wide and breathing ragged, tears poured down his face, which was now clouded with fear. Hiding his face on his mother's chest, he pleaded, "Mommy, no, no!"

At that shocking reaction of his son, Kenshin stopped right in his tracks, seeming unsure of what to do next. Kaoru gave Sanosuke a significant look, and was glad to see he had taken the meaning when he quickly stood and walked towards the redhead.

"Why don't we wait outside, Kenshin?" Sano offered, placing one hand on the other man's shoulder and urging him towards the door. Upon seeing Kenshin's stoic reaction, he added, "Let her settle him down first."

"Aa…" Kenshin finally replied quietly, apparently not noticing the fact that he was walking backwards, prodded by Sanosuke.

* * *

When they reached the kitchen, Kenshin sat on a chair, bent with his head bowed and hands on his knees. He was so engrossed in his thoughts, trying to understand what had happened and why he felt so misplaced that it took him a few minutes to speak. "Sano, what happened?" The question was impressively broad in meaning, but he felt incapable of making his thoughts clear. 

"Kenji-chan had a nightmare," Sano said plainly.

"Yes, but does he have them that often? I don't remember him having them before. Also when I came closer, he was even more afraid and distraught…"

"He doesn't easily get used to stran –", Sano faltered, clearly regretting his words, but too late; for Kenshin had already taken in the meaning. Raising his head to face his best friend, Kenshin glared at him.

"What is that suppose to mean, Sano?" he demanded, his voice taking on an edgy tone.

"Sorry, I didn't mean like that. It's just you've been gone for awhile and he's not used to you being around."

"I'm no stranger to my own son, Sano!" Kenshin said, clenching his jaws. The entire situation had put him over the edge and Sanosuke's implications were not helping.

"Look, man, whatever you say. Just give him time to get used to you again." Sanosuke glared back at him, eyes defiant. He added, "if you stay around long enough that is."

"And what's that supposed to mean?" Kenshin barely noticed he had gotten up and was walking towards the tall man.

"Stop asking me that when I'm being as clear as water. I never bought that denseness of yours, but you can't possibly think that you can spend six months away, come back and find everything just like you left." Sanosuke had bent forward, hands clenched into fists at his sides.

"I'm not liking your implications, Sano and you have no right saying…" Kenshin yelled back, his breath ragging with anger.

"I'm sorry but I'll have to disagree on that, and I don't fucking care whether you like it or not. Someone has to tell you!"

"You should be quiet now, Sanosuke, that you should," Kenshin said in a last effort to contain his new risen anger.

"What is going on here?" came Kaoru's shocked voice as she eyed the two men, inches apart from each other, both holding hostile stances against one another.

Upon hearing her unvoiced reproach, both men stepped back, clearly ashamed of their behavior.

"Sano, Kenshin? Were you two fighting?" she asked accusingly.

"Koishii, I'm sorry. Sessha lost his temper. I was worried about Kenji and you…" Kenshin put on his rurouni mask back, feeling truthfully guilty for adding more disturbance to the already troubled situation.

"Sorry, Jou-chan. How's Kenji?"

Kaoru's eyes darted back and forth from Kenshin to Sano, before answering. "He has calmed down now. I'm going to take him a cup of milk. Is there something you want to tell me, Sano?"

"No," he said curtly, missing Kenshin's confused look at them.

"Okay then. Kenshin?"

"Yes?"

"Could you warm the milk for me? I want to go back."

Kenshin shoved his confusing thoughts away, and replied. "Yes, of course."

"Thank you," she said simply, before turning around and back to Kenji's bedroom.

Right after she left, Sanosuke vanished quietly towards the courtyard, leaving a confused Kenshin behind.

* * *

He watched his wife and child from the doorstep, unable to be close to them. Kenji was slowly falling asleep, and he did not want to disturb him. So, despite his desire to come near them, that distance had been imposed on him and he would have to watch them from here. 

... TBC

* * *

Glossary: 

Koishii: beloved

Sessha: this unworthy one, it's how Kenshin refers to himself in first person.

Jasmine: it became Kaoru's perfume in the fanfic world actually (credits go to Tae-san -bows).

**Thanks for reading! Comments are always welcome! **

03/2005


End file.
